the american missionary

Moving

2010-12-26T22:03:00.000-08:00

No this is not a post about my website moving, my family and I recently decided to move to Portland.

There are several reasons for the move all of which point to what we believe to be an act of obedience. (I say obedience and not faith intentionally) I'm going to continue going to school (at the same school) and my wife will stay home with the kids (did I mention she's 30 weeks pregnant with our son Jude Calvin).

The biggest hurdle has been finding an apartment. The other large hurdle was transferring with the company I work for, Starbucks.

I have worked at Starbucks for almost 2 1/2 years. Two of those years were spent in my current store and I'm beginning to realize that leaving this store may be harder than I originally expected. I have spent a lot of hours there making lattes and meeting all kinds of people who come through the store.

But that's not what I'll miss, I'll miss the relationships I've made with the people I work with everyday.

In addition to making lattes and brewing coffee, I have worked at being a missionary. In the past two years, I've only given out one Bible (actually two to the same person), no one has accepted Christ as their personal Savior, and I've never seen any one of my fellow employees even interested in going to church with me.

However, I've been asked almost every question possible about religion, the Bible, what's a "Southern Baptist," why I'm almost not one, but mostly questions bout what I believe. I've shared the gospel, sometimes horribly sometimes very clearly, and have done my best to break down the difference between Grace and Religion. (which i'm beginning to believe is one of the most common misunderstandings) My co-workers have seen me through some horrible times and vice versa.

I've actually shared my life with them.

Starting over at a new store will be difficult, not because I'm starting over with a new "Job Assignment" or because it's a "New Mission Field," or because I'm leaving behind all that progress, or lack thereof.

It will be difficult because I'm leaving my friends...

-tam

Going Green for God?

2010-06-29T11:17:00.000-07:00

So it's been a long time and this may be a weird post after having not posted for 6 months. My life has been so crazy, that I almost forgot I had this blog. I'll keep trying, even though by now, no one's probably interested. Oh well...

This is a response I did for a class about this article that reviewed Green Like God by Jonathan Merritt. I have not read the book, but followed the assignment of the class and responded to the article.

First of all, I commend Jonathan Merritt for his efforts in contextualizing environmentalism. Contextualization is something that environmentalists do not understand and rarely use, at least effectively. I worked with someone who was very serious about recycling and saw it as her “thing” at work to try to get others to recycle so that we would be a store that recycled. But she was always extremely insulting, argumentative, and very aggressive. She actually told me one time, “ if you f- with Mother Earth, you f- with me.” (She really did just said the letter f-) We were good enough friends that it was more sarcastic than serious, but still. In the end, she was seen as an environmentalist, with a heavy emphasis on mental. She was never really able to explain her “cause” very well without some aggressive guilt treatment. Though I have not read Merritt’s book, I already appreciate his approach to “reach” conservatives.

Secondly, I personally have a hard time with the idea of adjusting much of my lifestyle for the sake of “Going Green.” I love creation; I get the whole stewardship thing and try in all areas of my life to be a good steward of what God has given me, though I fail all the time. We bought a car last year that meets PZEV (low emission) standards and we even bought my daughter a cupcake / tea set that was made entirely from used milk jugs. But I didn’t buy those things because I wanted to be a good steward or because I thought that I was saving the planet, the car was cool and met out needs as a family, and out of all the tea sets that one was the simplest.

The environment does not rank that high on my list of causes that I’m willing to put my time towards. I’m fine with recycling and do my best to do so, but I’m not going to preach “Green” for the sake of Green for three main reasons.

First, I haven’t seen any real good information (stats, etc.) from things like recycling. Humans are probably recycling more than ever in history, but environmentalists paint the same bleak picture that it’s not enough. Also, there seems to be a lack of honest or complete data concerning things like global warming. Some say it is real, some say the data isn’t complete, and I say it’s inconclusive either way.

Second, people in general do not respond to things like the environment out of duty or even love of nature, but out of their pocket. Ultimately, people respond with incentives. How much is a person willing to pay for a clean environment? How much does it really cost? What are we giving up and what is the real gain? Much of these answers depend on the income of the individual and their financial situation. If we are going to see a massive movement toward a clean environment, there needs to be a competitive, marketable effort that will create the incentive. So now people are willing to buy the product or whatever because it has an immediate effect on their lives, not necessarily out of duty, stewardship, or because it helps the environment.

Third, the best reason I can see to “Go Green,” is really for the sake of displaying the gospel and building relationships with non-Christians. What greater reflection of what God has done inside us, transforming our hearts and minds by Christ, than to recycle and reuse what we can? Does it not also reflect what Christ will do with the earth when He returns? It was a new earth that John saw in Revelation? I never really challenged my friend at work, but went did my best at work to recycle because I valued the relationship more than not recycling. I am much more convicted about my lack of imitating Christ than I am about the Ozone Layer.

I would rather be a Christian who recycles as an imitation of Christ’s redeeming work, rather than out of Christina duty. I tried Christian duty once, and it made me a legalist.

-tam

Immersed in America?

2010-01-05T11:50:00.000-08:00

I grew up in the Bible Belt. Law keeping and leagalism was my religion. I thought that by not drinking, smoking, or having sex before marriage I was a better Christian and that made me better than others.

I was proud and arrogant with my religion. I knew nothing of genuine Christian love, being missional, or how to have authentic relationships with non-believers (and with believers for that matter).

My friends and I would choose not to do things that would "hurt our witness" or do things that would "help our witness." As a High School Sophomore, I carried my big study Bible to class everyday my (but never read it), I asked people not to cuss around me, and only wore Christian T-Shirts. I wore three or four WWJD braclets and thought that everytime I gave one away, I was giving away the gospel, sharing my faith.

That's what was most important, my faith, my actions, my deeds.

Christ has certainly been patient with me these last 15 years. And though I'm not perfect, I am trying to be more missional.

Now, I smoke (cigaretts or cigars, whatever their smoking that's not illegal) with my non-christian (and christian) friends as we talk about our day and share our frustrations, I drink good beer with my non-christian (and christian) friends while sharing life stories, I quote lines from rated R movies and I can do a pretty good impression of Peter Griffin's laugh. A friend has actually given me the nickname "Fish" from an inside joke about an episode of South Park. He recently told me he did not care to know me until we started joking around about that episode. (Later I asked him to draw me a picture of Jesus and a Horse)

I occasionally get the gospel message in my conversations; we often talk about church, religion, the Bible, and why I am a Christian. It's done organically and I don't force anything on anyone (at least I try not to).

Jesus drank with sinners, he ate with tax collectors, touched lepers, and forgave the sins of prostitutes. I'm not trying to be missional so that I can simply build relationships and share my faith (which is really really weak at best), but so I can be closer to Jesus. Whose in?

Jesus and His Horse

2009-11-08T01:09:00.000-08:00

So several months ago while I was walking to work I came up with an idea. I wanted to creatively develop spiritual conversations with a guy I work with without being to obvious about it.
My coworker and I have had several conversations before at work and were beginning to develop a strong trust. The idea came when I realized he came in several hours before his shift just to draw. He is actually a really good artist. He's never studied for it, never took an art class, but draws all the time.

My big idea was to ask him to draw a scene out of the Bible. The scene I thought would be interesting was the scene in Revelation 19:11-16 with Jesus on a white horse, his eyes fiery red, a sword coming out of his mouth, a fat tattoo on his leg, and his robe dripped in blood. Not exactly the conventional image of Jesus, but I still thought that it might be interesting.

It was definitely a surreal moment to see my coworker in our back room at Starbucks reading the Bible, taking notes, and he even asked me several questions about the text. He was genuinely excited about the project and was even honored that I asked.

Here's the picture that he drew for me.

It seems that some of the most vivd things in that passage, my friend chose not to incorporate. Why? Why take out the sword and draw Jesus with a mask?

I'm not criticizing him, not at all. But I do think it says something about how he sees or interprets Jesus. Now my friend and I have not yet really talked about his picture, but we have had tons of amazing conversations that have given me the opportunity to share parts of the gospel and who Jesus really is. The Lord is definitely working in his life and it's beginning to show.

What do you see in the picture? How would you interpret his portrayal of Jesus?

What does your Jesus look like?

From Church Shopper to Church Specialist

2009-10-25T00:48:00.000-07:00

So I guess we found a church. After living in Cali. since January, we finally chose a church to regularly attend...at least for now.

In the end, we had to base our decision not on a church that best fit our personality (that's how you buy a dog) or a church that had the most people in our age group or even a church with the closest ties to our denomination (the SBC).

We chose a church based upon obedience. And I don't mean how the church is an obedient faithful community. Rather our obedience to attend a church where God wants us; and for the time being we feel he wants us were we are. So now that we have a new church, I have a new problem as a church going "Specialist."

I'm in danger of becoming a Specialist.

I always have an opinion, usually negative though sometimes positive, about the service, the worship, how the small groups, should be organized (or promoted at all). I affirm the good things and get frustrated at small things. (I remind you, I genuinely feel like this is where God wants us)

What I mean is wanting things done in a "special" way or a certain manner; a special kind of sermon, or a special kind of presentation of the Lord's Supper. What's worse is that if the specifics aren't met, all the answers and every problem would be solved if only they asked the Specialist.

Specialist exist in every church all over the US. Specialist have decided not to focus on participating in any real ministry through their church, but specialize in how church should be done (mostly the church service itself, nothing really to do with the community). They complain, intentionally slow progress, attach themselves to church leadership in order to feed their ideas to the leadership, and are ultimately very legalistic.

I don't want to be that guy, the specialist, who is connected to the church in a negative way and is not really connected to the community(both in the church and out) or engaged missionally.

All that to say, we hope to begin at our new church with a positive and obedient attitude. I'm sure there will be some frustrations and we will be honest about those, but in a healthy 'encourage the whole body' kind of way. Overall, we are excited to at least know that there is a local church that we intend on regularly attending and look forward to getting further involved. Hopefully, that involvement won't just be in creating a better worship service.

And to be honest, this is probably the first Sunday in well over three years that I'm actually looking forward to going to church.

Incarnational Suffering: What do Missionaries do in the Midst of Trials (Part 3, The Completion)

2009-10-14T20:35:00.001-07:00

I've titled this last part of my little series The Completion, because ultimately I think this is what suffering does, it completes being incarnational.

Imagine if Jesus had never suffered. What if Jesus' life was always easy, always simple, and his death was simple and quiet with his disciples near by (and still rose from the grave three days later)? Would it change who Jesus was?

There is something about Jesus' suffering that shows not only his humanity, but completes it. His incarnational ministry is ultimately defined by the extent he suffered; he proved just how much he was willing to embrace humanity by suffering. But I think there is still more to it.

His suffering allows us to know Him in His divinity. Maybe Jesus suffered in such a way, not so much that He could better understand us, but so that we could better know Him. Maybe when we suffer and experience trials, these things actually bring us closer to a God who understands; it is the very thing that connects us to Jesus who connects us to God.

So what does this mean for being incarnational and missional? I suppose that these same sufferings also connect us to culture, very few non-christians understand why I follow Christ(or even want to understand) but they seem to understand (or want to understand) things like loved ones in the hospital or complicated pregnancies.

I wonder if suffering completes incarnational ministry? Adversity seems to connect us to our target culture because it reveals genuine, vulnerable emotions and because they mutually shared experiences.

Christians are notorious for being fake. We want the world to see that a life with Jesus is better and easier. So, when something truly devastating happens, Christians have a tendency to hide behind fake smiles and empty words telling everyone that everything is okay.

The rest of the world, however, is desperate to see something real and genuine from Christians. "Poster-Model Christianity" is sold to be the shiny christian example and the most effective evangelistic tool; they will see Christ by our example. (that should be another post). But suffering brings out this genuineness and tears down the poster. Instead of hiding, missionaries elicit confidence in friends (even if they are non-christians) by sharing openly about their experience.

It's certainly not easy and it doesn't make the current situation go away or smooth over. But then again, being a missionary isn't easy at all, it's uncomfortable and somedays it's outright painful.

Suffering connects us to the Incarnate Christ and Suffering connects us Incarnationally to Culture. Suffering completes Incarnation.

Though we are still figuring things out, my wife and I are certainly closer and this has challenged us to press more into Christ.

Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers...

Incarnational Suffering: What do Missionaries do in the Midst of Trials (part2)

2009-09-07T11:07:00.001-07:00

I told a friend that the only thing that was getting me through the tragic events of our life was the Sovereignty of God. Knowing that this was not a random event and that God is in control is not only comforting, but reality.

Though I think I need to apologize to my friend, because the Sovereignty of God is expressed in thousands of ways that I was not considering. For one, the person sitting across from me was praying for me, grieving with me, breaking with me, and even babysat our daughter while my wife and I was in the hospital.

It's almost like he was just as much a part of it than I was.

Could it be that in God's Sovereignty, God sent me friends that would carry this with me?

You have to understand, I live in California, my closest friends and all my family live in Texas. At the moment of that conversation, we still had not plugged into a local church that we could lean on. However, God provided great friends that helped us carry this.

Missionaries should not suffer alone, because it truly takes a community of people to reach this culture. (or any culture for that matter!)

While we were overseas missionaries, we had an extensive network of prayer partners that we updated every month or so. We informed them how we were doing and listed out prayer requests. Returning to the U.S, the e-mails of course stopped, because we were no longer "missionaries."

While I was driving to meet my wife at the hospital, I knew I no longer had that same list of prayer partners, but I did have a cell phone. I called pretty much everyone on my cell phone phonebook list explaining the situation and that we really needed prayer. Over the course of that week, I kept calling and updating my friends and kept asking for prayer.

Missionaries seek not just prayer but communal prayer. All our friends were praying for the same thing.

What do missionaries do in the midst of tragedy and suffering? -Pray like crazy while having others pray like crazy. Missionaries respond in prayer, whether rejoice or sorrow.

Pray on...

-tam

Incarnational Suffering: What do Missionaries do in the Midst of Trials?(part 1)

2009-07-30T14:43:00.000-07:00

Friday afternoon, July 24th, I received a phone call that changed my life forever. I received a call to meet my wife at the doctor's office.

My wife had a sonogram, she was 17 weeks pregnant at the time, which showed fluid on the baby's brain and a cyst was discovered on the baby's spinal column. Also, my wife was producing more placenta than normal posing a very high risk to her health.

(Also, my wife has a blood deficiency which makes very prone to clotting. She has already had several clots in her lungs and stomach. Several weeks ago, the same doctor discovered a clot in her stomach.)

We were left to make an almost impossible decision with a number of risk factors. We could continue doing tests that only increase my wife's health risks, or we could end the pregnancy.

The very next day, Saturday, my wife's health worsened. She was admitted to the hospital and diagnosed having early signs of preeclampsia. Her chances of safely caring the baby to a healthy premature stage was now unlikely. The chances of the baby surviving after birth--even less likely. The decision was made to induce labor.

We lost Baby Mills on Monday, July 27th.

This has certainly been a horrific experience, one that I would not wish on anyone. We have seen Christ with us through all of this! He is indeed our Great High Priest who is able to sympathize with my weakness and remains sinless. We have drawn from the confidence that Christ is alive and well, interceding on our behalf! But this last week, I have been asking my self 100's of questions, these are just a few.

How are missionaries supposed to suffer? How do we deal with grief? Is there such a thing as suffering Incarnationally? What does the Non-Christian community think when they see Christians suffering? What about the role of the church when it comes to suffering? How should the church handle grief and suffering?

-to be continued...

Moldy Cup Lady

2009-07-08T22:54:00.000-07:00

One of the great things about being a barista at Starbucks is that any time a customer has a problem and wants to complain about something, you can always say, "Here is my supervisor and he'll answer any of your questions." Then you get to watch all the action from a safe distance.

I just happen to be a supervisor.

On one such occasion, a lady came into my store and wanted to exchange a coffee mug for a new coffee mug. The problem was she did not have a receipt, a big issue when wanting to exchange something at Starbucks. (The policy is there must be a receipt and the purchase has to be within 3 months, neither applied with this lady) She of course began with the barista at the register, who very quickly handed the situation over to me.

She began explaining to me what she wanted and why. She had apparently received a starbucks tumbler at Christmas (this story takes place during April) and some mold had formed on the inside of the cup. So, she wanted to replace it.

My response: "I'm very sorry but our policy states..." This just mad her more mad and replied, "Well where is this policy written? I want to see it!" This threw me off guard. Like there is some Starbucks Bible in the back or something.

The discussion continued as she tried to coerce me to give in and give her what she wanted, but my reply was always, "I'm very sorry, but our policy says..." Finally, when she realized she wasn't getting a free tumbler, she said, "Well this is a tragedy."

I live in one of the most affluent counties in the U.S. with the highest cost of living in the U.S. Million dollar homes housing million dollar attitudes. And here was a lady trying to convince me that this $15 moldy cup was a "tragedy."

9/11, Iranian protesters, Burmese monks protesting, malnutrition in third-world countries, third-world countries, North Korean nuclear threat, poverty, sex trafficking, starvation, women's rights in the Middle East, etc...

How do you even begin to share the gospel, let alone be an incarnational missionary, with someone whose uses the word tragedy to describe a moldy Starbucks cup?

The lady never returned or took up my offer to speak with the store manager. And for all I know her cup is still moldy.

I'm beginning to understand a little more about what Jesus meant when he commented on how difficult it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. "When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful for he had great possessions." Mat. 19:22

Church Aisle at Wal-Mart

2009-06-28T23:33:00.000-07:00

So I had this weird idea.

What if Wal-Mart had a Church Aisle?

Think about it.

Wal-Mart focuses on products that are cheap to make and easy to sell, and easy to sell in mass quantities. So what kind of Churches would Wal-Mart sell?

Would they sell Mega Churches with stadium seating? Maybe Denominational Churches with stain glass windows? Or maybe "Gatherings" with a "Speaker" who gives a "Talk" and then leads a "Conversation." And if you asked one of the workers in a blue vest, you know the blue vest that says, "How can I help you?," if they would be able to tell you which churches work best and which churches are no longer culturally relevant, so don't waste your money.

I wonder if the Chinese CPM would be on the shelf? It would definitely be the cheapest, but it would have to have a warning label of some kind like, "this church may cause death by martyr."

If you were buying a church in Wal-Mart, what are things that you would look for? Different preaching style, better worship band, more church events, less church events?

My wife and I are still looking for a church after living in California for over six months now. And I can see myself comparing churches like I might if they were sold on a shelf at Wal-Mart. Though I don't exactly see church as a product to be sold, the fact is that many Americans do, in fact, many churches see church as a product to be sold. And despite the American Church's marketing efforts, many people are losing interest.

I'm afraid I might be one of those Americans, I'm losing interest in Church.

Don't get me wrong, I love to strategize and dream what a church might look like pulling it's resources together and boldly engaging culture and individuals with the gospel of Jesus for His glory. It's just sometimes I wish finding that kind of church was as easy as driving to a Wal-Mart.

Imagine this, two friends are walking up and down the church aisle at Wal-Mart and the first begins to notice there are other people shopping for a church too. The second is intensely focused on finding the right church; he has several in his hands and he is reading the description of each very carefully. The first however, instead of looking and comparing between the different churches he begins to ask some of the other shoppers what they are looking for and why. He discovers that some are christians, and some are not. He talks with one lady who had a wonderful church experience and shares how she became a believer, meanwhile the second friend sets down the Chinese CPM and replaces it with the "Rick Warren Bobble Head." The first develops another conversation with a gay couple who had a really bad church experience, but were still hoping there might be a church that would welcome them; he gets an opportunity to share his love for Jesus. The second person walks away with a cool young church where the pastor wears blue jeans and the drummer wears a v-neck t-shirt with skinny jeans.

In this story I want more than anything to be the first person, engaging others in conversation and sharing my faith, the missionary. But I know that I act more like the second person going from church to church making comparisons, a shopper.

Who are you the missionary or the shopper?

Church Shopping

2009-06-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

I have lived in California now for six months. My family and I have visited several different churches hoping to find a new "home" church where we can get involved and build relationships with fellow believers.

I hate church shopping.

I sit service after service critiquing everything about the service and compare it to the last church we visited. I have grown very little in the Lord this way and grown more frustrated with the American Church.

I was really hoping to find a church where we can just be passive members and allow the church to minister to us for a while.

This has completely unmotivated me to be a missionary to this culture.

I see now the importance of a local body of believers to encourage me and keep me accountable. My problem is I honestly don't like any of the churches I've visited, but I don't think I can stand to continue to shop for a church.

Maybe I'm asking too much from the churches here. Or maybe I'm waiting to hear an angelic choir break out in song when I step foot in the church where we are supposed to be. I don't know.

For now, we're going to continue to praying and continue to hope that we will find our place soon...

tam

Busy Much and Starting Over

2009-01-14T23:25:00.000-08:00

When I look at the date of my last post I sort of cringe. You see when my family and I moved back to the states I wanted so badly to try and stay "out-side" the American culture. I wanted to look at how I could reach the people around me and have a new perspective on the American culture. However, it is very obvious to me that as American culture shock began to wear off, I slowly began to creep back into the American groove.

For example, I went from thinking that eating in my car was disgusting to eating in my car. That also mean fast food, way too much fast food. Also, watching too much television. And not like really good shows but stupid things like Family Guy or Frank TV (who is the absolute best impressionist I've ever seen). But also, just staying busy but not really feeling like I've done much has basically been the last several months for me.

But I feel like I have a second chance because my family and I have moved once again. We no longer live in Bible-Town USA, but now live among the very rich in a suburb outside of San Francisco. I was able to transfer my job with Starbucks and will start seminary this spring. Now I have a new culture that I'm learning and so I feel like I have a second chance at this whole missional perspective thing. It should be lots of fun.

-tam

Bad Church Experience

2008-09-14T17:39:00.000-07:00

So I work with this girl who had a horrible experience with church and church people. She was judged, looked down on, and is completely turned off by church because of the way she was treated.

When she told of her experience, my heart broke and I think that it sank into my stomach because I got a strong sick feeling in my gut. I was completely disgusted and hurt for her. It really pretty much pissed me off that a church would treat someone, especially as cool and genuine as her, like they did.

I was thinking, what would it take to see this girl come to a saving knowledge of Jesus? Is there a church program out there that would be cool enough or hip enough (church planters call it being "strategic") that had just the right combination of humor, coolness, and good music that she would be compelled to come?

I seriously doubt it. And if she did, she would hate the whole thing. She is simply not interested in anything to do with church.

As she continued to open up a little more, which is hard to do while you're working, she told me that she was not religious but that she had her own beliefs. I told her that I do not consider myself religious either, but rather more spiritual. Something clicked inside her, I could tell by the way she responded, almost agreeing with me that she was the same.

So what do I do? How do I be a missionary to her? How do I show her that the culmination of being a Christian is more than simply going to church? That it is more than just making sure you wear the "right" things and say all the "right" words? What would you do?

Hip-Hop

2008-07-23T17:27:00.000-07:00

The past month a blog from Mars Hills Church in Seattle called Doxologist posted a couple of interviews I hope you'll take the time to watch.

The two guys that are being interviewed are Hip-Hop artists who share their hearts for the Hip-Hop community. The Hip-Hop world is a sub-cultural group that needs to hear and see the gospel lived out in a very particular way. These guys seem pretty devoted to live as missionaries to that community.

Stuff like this really excites me. I'm not a Hip-Hoper, at all. I lean more toward emo-indie / whiny college music. But I am super excited to see that there are men called by God to be missionaries to such a culture that desperately needs Christ. Let me know what you think.

Lecrae Interview
Sho Baraka Interview

-tam

Going to Church

2008-07-06T15:40:00.000-07:00

I've been back in the States now for about 7 weeks. I've gone to church every week. Each week has been a little shocking and little disappointing. Worship seems dull, the congregation seems disinterested, and the preaching seems like dumbed down moral lessons. But my frustration came to its peak this morning as never before.

The sermon was on national pride, how christians ought to be patriotic, and we should be one nation under God because that's what the founding fathers meant when they wrote the bill of rights.

Trying to be an american missionary means that I have a certain desire to see my fellow american come to know the Lord, turn to Jesus and be saved. It means on a certain level I want my nation to be redeemed. However, I lack the faith in the Bill of Rights to get our nation to that place of repentance and revival.

Don't get me wrong, I love my country and I am very thankful of the particular freedoms that we have in the U.S. Like the rest of America on the 4th, last Friday, I went to a fair, ate a corn dog on a stick, and went and enjoyed fireworks with my family and friends. I had a blast. But there moments where it seemed as if we were encouraged to worship our Nation, and I guess it just felt a little weird (especially having lived away from that for almost two years).

Needless to say I felt like walking out but couldn't and just listened (cussing in my head) with my mouth open wide not really believing that this was actually happening.

As an American Missionary I choose not to believe that this is a great nation, but believe that this is a broken and hurting nation that desperately needs Jesus.